I know, I know, I should be posting art and junk. I’ll show off the finished bat partial in a second, but firstly, me and my thoughts.
I want to start off with saying thank you and welcome to my 5 new watchers. I hope you’ll enjoy my page. You’re all beautiful.
Currently I’m in a steep rut of depression and slight mania brought on by the loss of months worth of art from my computer fucking up and deleting my main profile and everything on it. I have no idea how or why it did that. Like it just up and broke itself. I’m just trying to come to terms with that, but there was a lot of art that I hadn’t shared or uploaded anywhere cause stuff was not finished. I tried recovering things, but it was too late. It wiped itself every time I logged off. And now my computer keeps acting weird and crashes when I try to update it, so I need to take it in for repair or something… Cause its just so annoy… Maybe I can return it and get another or something. I rather want the Surface Pro 3. I heard they fixed a lot of hiccups.
Anyway. Next thing just for the sake of ranting…. I really want to not live in this place I am currently in. Its starting to give me a lot of anxiety and all over uneasiness. To the point where I feel sick. I really need my own place with my love, but its hard to find. And I need more commissions in que and stuff. I only have like one commission left on the list. So thats where the money stops.
Um… Also… This is kind of uncomfortable to say… The friend I live with is starting to make me more and more uneasy. Like the danger alarm in my head goes off a lot around him and its making me physically sick. I think my dumb sixth sense or what ever it is is picking up on emotional anxieties and intentions from him. I’m just kind of… Feeling sick all the time and I want out. He has a nasty habit of getting drunk when he wants to talk about heavy stuff and when he’s depressed and thats setting off red flags.
So… Yeah. Need commissions. Commissions equal new place where I don’t feel like vomiting my uneasy emotions.
Lastly, my little take on dumb stuff that people care about. Sensitivity. There’s a big discrepancy in what people think the world needs. No one is entirely right, but many are really wrong. The world needs both. Simple as that, however, each side needs to understand the other. Like, you know how you flinch when you realize you yelled “fuck” next to some strangers kid, but you don’t when its a teen/adult? There’s that semblance of sensitivity. Understanding what may be appropriate to say and how it comes off. I’ve had a lot of issue with this because I’ve become more aware of my surroundings. I’ve desensitized to certain things, but tuned in to others. For those people who just dgaf. Stop. Unless you want to cone off as an extreme dirt bag. I understand about not caring what others think, but that should only really apply to dumb things like “i dont care if you don’t like my outfit” and other stuff. You should at least care if people see you as a nice, approachable person. I know people like to have cold, stoic visages, and thats ok. But if you end up just being a piece of shit human being that just likes to spread the nasty all over, you’re making things worse. You need to care about things enough to understand them and at least understand how people may be try to come off via writing. This new day and age its become harder to understand people because we are not face to face. There are interaction ques we miss in writing. Everyones becoming socially stunted and its making for a darker tomorrow. We, as humans, have this innate problem where we create self fulfilling prophecies. We always focus on the wrong in the world and we make it worse for ourselves. We keep these images in the forefront of our minds and we scare ourselves into doing irrational things. Or it causes more of that. When ever theres a major shooting that goes up all over the news, shootings go up all over the country. And its really sad cause we don’t know how to cope with it. People joke, morn, spread the news all over. Its a vicious cycle.
Its ok to be sensitive to issues or to have a hard shell against it. Whats not ok is being a dick about it. Humans would survive so much better if everyone decided to try to understand each other.
I have a dumb story. So, someone asked an innocent question, person who answered got super offended because the question insinuated things about someones OC. Instead of being mature and saying “oh, hay, I find that kind of offensive that you think that, though I can understand where you’re coming from because its a common thing you see in life and stories” nope. They berated and ranted at the questioner. Wholly inappropriate. I, being dumbly protective of how people are treated when they didn’t mean to be offensive commented on it “that seemed mean. I think you should have toned it down. It was just a question.” And then said person turned on me like I was defending that questioned ideal or something when it really had nothing to do with that because no one uses context clues. I dumbly apologized, feeling fairly disheartened cause this person was an artist I looked up to. And I’ve been watching her fall for a while now and finally just stopped. Its really sickening… Art is my everything and just people asking questions about little things, mountains out of molehills …. Its so stupid.
That was an example of being oversensitive. Now for the other.
So every day of my life I’d listen to my dad play with my brothers and call them “girls” like its a bad thing. Finally I had enough and just said “can you stop it, it will end up having lasting psychological effects on how he sees women.”
Basically my dad responded with “mind your own business.” Which is dumb because thats my little brother and my family is my business. This became a lengthy debate where my dad ended up calling me an oversensitive libtard. That hurt. One, I am completely in the middle. Not siding worth shit. Two, my dads a childish, extremist republican. Also kind of racist and he’a in denial about that. He ranted about how I’m too sensitive (cause i care about what matters). I’m going to stop there just because you’ve probably already noticed the problem. Plus its an unhappy memory. My mom was trying not to get on his bad side, but I could tell she was sick of his shit too.
So, I’m bad with closing stuff, but basically this. Don’t be oversensitive to where everything offends out, and don’t be so desensitized where you don’t care who gets hurt. It’s bad on both sides. We need an equilibrium to for satisfied and happy. So stay happy and positive, and have a good day, evening, morning, where ever in the world you are. I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I care that you’re happy. Everyone deserves happiness.